Dribbling...

balance

2008-03-04T21:20:00.002-06:00

there can be no balance in the force. one side must always trump the other. otherwise good and evil nullify each other and there is no need for that battle. and that is the pinnacle of human existence, when these clashing pairs of opposites are no longer identified and balance is achieved. then, there is only the force.

;)

Self-composed Eulogy

2008-01-17T14:47:00.000-06:00

I had to write my own eulogy for a class...so I'm sharing it with you. Someone, please read it at my DeathDay Rave and make sure you don't get caught aiming flaming arrows at my raft as it floats off to the great blue sea...gracias:

She journeyed in another reality and she died without a grip on ours. It would be un-Chelsie-like to loiter here, reminiscing about how we miss her or want her back, or how we wish she could’ve moved on at a different time. She would want us to enjoy the memories, yes, but waxing about their greatness or whining about their shortcomings, she’d rather we avoid. Guaranteed, she is not sad to depart this world, nor advance into the adventure of the next.
Instead of fearing the unknown, she would say that beauty exists where you choose to see it and in this choice we become either selfish or compassionate. In selfishness, we lose sight of who we really are, and in compassion we exemplify our identity. Living in such a reality does not depend on a physical existence at all, so shall she continue in spirit to navigate the wonders and mysteries of where and who we are, never-minding the ugliness so many of us see in death.
It would be so easy to attempt her summation, only to realize its impossibility. I can’t define her in any way but Love. I can’t describe her in any other qualities than those given to Love.
She took many seemingly unnecessary roads, but somewhere along each, a lesson greater than necessity arrived.
Every path on her journey lead her somewhere unanticipated. For Chelsie, control was a passing thought-one fought and defeated by tolerance, acceptance, spontaneity, and enjoyment. She found it impossible to control the moment and saw attempts at such domination selfish and unforgiving. However, she did enjoy each moment with the awareness of the past and hope for the future. It was in these moments that she arrived at wisdom, perspective, Love, freedom, and her soul’s match in this life. Her greatest hope for the world is that it realizes the perfect love it already possesses and uses this identity to unconditionally accept its idiosyncrasies and remove all lines that cause us to doubt our ultimate unity. She knew its fulfillment to be long in coming, but nonetheless attempted it in her own life, illustrated in her marriage, family, companionship, and a genuine regard for others.
She saw freedom, not as whatever she wanted when she wanted to, but as the ability to live without regret or hesitation, making every choice and every endeavor in conscience awareness of who she is and seeing that same identity in others’, no matter how little they perceived it. She danced through life, not with the boredom of a walk or pace of a run, but a Cha-Cha hidden in a Waltz with Lambada flowing deep in her veins*. She made her life rich in detail and in wonder; her day was never void of questions and determined to enjoy their mystery. As a true student of life, she viewed it as an ant views the ocean, infinitely smaller, yet essentially apart of its greatness. Such a perspective remains with her now—after all, eternity is what we’ve all been waiting for. She realized that it is now.

“May the extraordinary days of her past be the common days of her future.”

*Ryan Guillemet (me hubby)

Circle of Life...really.

2007-10-29T12:12:00.000-05:00

I talked to Beth this morning about some of last night's discussion and she asked what Ryan and I came up with as an answer to the creation question: is there an intelligent creator? some source-being behind life? As we discussed the matter, I came to better-grip the concept of life--and even still, the mystery of it. So here's my thought. Look at life in itself, conceptually. Life is what? Existence? Positive or pro-creative energy? Self-sustaining? Right. So is it necessary for life to have a source, a starting point? (At least for all practical purposes?) The truth is that life is. Doesn't matter if the chicken or the egg came first; they're both life. And our wondering at both is both purposeful and endless...as it should be.

Nothing

2007-10-04T11:43:00.000-05:00

So, I asked a friend the now-classic question "what if perfect love ruled the world?" with the prompt "what would we need?"
The best answer I've gotten yet followed: "Nothing. We'd have everything we need."

It kind of made my Thursday. So I'm passing it on ;)

Namaste, all...

Be Love

2007-09-25T12:13:00.000-05:00

Saw a license plate bearing this message on Wedgewood last night...the dude in the truck had just finished handing a hobo something...cash or what not...now, in strange coincidence for our culture, the message met and interacted with the medium...people...that's all I got...but I think it's enough

Be. Love.

:c:

Here and there and everywhere dribbling: Subjectivity, Africa, & Love

2007-04-18T19:03:00.000-05:00

Good and bad are subjective. Completely subjective. Right and wrong, moral objection. All subjective. How so?

President Bush thinks good is intervening in Middle Eastern affairs (bad)-kill Iraqis. He has his reasons:

Homeland security

Economics-which benefit the US and “others”

Protection of Israel (religiously speaking, God’s people)

Christian/American values, adhering to them whatever the cost, whatever the sacrifice

The “terrorists” (aka Bin Laden and gang) think good is intervening in America’s affairs (bad)-kill Americans. He has his reasons:

Homeland security

Economics-which benefit his nation and their peoples

Protection of Islam (religiously speaking, God’s people)

Muslim values, adhering to them whatever the cost, whatever the sacrifice

Seem strikingly similar? Let’s continue:

Hitler thought good was purifying the world of inferior races (bad)-kill Jews. He has his reasons:

National pride

Apparent superiority of Aryan accomplishment to others’

Belief that the Nazi way was the most effective

Racial cleansing is the path to a more perfect, productive world

Billy Graham thinks good is purifying the world of sin (bad), one grand lecture at a time-convert all to Christianity. He has his reasons:

His religious beliefs he’s learned and held all his life

His personal experience that Christianity changes people

Considering ‘sin’(bad behavior) the ultimate enemy

Career- verbal crusades gather attention to a cause

Bono and many non-celebrities think good is helping Africans where they’re at-kill disease, apathy, and poverty. He has his reasons:

Disease, Apathy, and Poverty hurt people

Africa is a neglected continent torn by wars begun by their own kind and others who make Africa’s loss their gain (genocide, pharmaceuticals, throwing guns in tribal squabbles)

The cure for hurt is Love (affection, attention, and acceptance along with those 1 Cor. 13 traits)

I was thinking the other day how I’ve been saying Jesus came to show the JEWS a way out of their religion-a religion that bound them to law and ritual instead of “walking with God.” It’s true. Jesus was a Jew who didn’t follow the Jewish belief system, but fulfilled it (aka completed, peace-out Judasim) by his demonstration of perfect love-letting the Christ in him out. However, I’ve heard several times now the question of Jesus’ intended audience. Was he just for the Jews? What about the Gentiles? Didn’t he come to SAVE THE WORLD?! :-O

My response to this is: slow down. Separate that Christian doctrine from Judaism-quit mixing the two…religion is supposed to separate. That’s just what it does. It’s expected to. But most of all, remember that Jesus belongs with Judaism, not Christianity. He might be the champion of the latter, but it was not around when he lived, nor did he create it. Humanity did as humanity does—makes tools to help it see what it can’t seem to understand themselves. And more often than not, it’s better off without those tools because humanity doesn’t recognize tools’ limits. Religion is such a tool.

Israel is referred to as God’s people. That’s Judaism. But it’s also metaphor for us-the world. Yep, just like those 10 Commandments aren’t applicable to us because they’re “law” (taking the bible literally would mean they’re nothing but good ideas to Gentiles) but because we are the God kind of people-because they demonstrate Love. Today, now, here. We have Love/God/Source Energy/the freakin Force-whatever- within us. Makes me ask why America is protecting Israel? Is the land truly holy? No; the people are. Just like people everywhere. In Africa. In the States. In Australia. You name ‘em, they’re holy-set apart for a purpose they/we may not know, understand, or truly live-or may know, understand, and truly live. We allowed these religions to create differences, and while calling upon the names of the very ideals that should unify us essentially, we divided. It’s still happening.

So Jesus (the biological person, from Nazareth, ya know?) was for Judaism. What Jesus lived as his true life, perfect love (Christ), was for the world- Jews and Gentiles. I think it’s pretty valid to say that love is the world’s salvation. Most folks I know have some kind of Christian background or know something about Jesus, as do I, so I tend to approach questions from that angle.

Just a thought:

Sometimes I even wonder why we don’t just let Africa return to its primal roots-tribal. How cool would that be?! But it doesn’t fit in with modernity. Modernity says money, lifestyle, commodities, and technology. But for me I guess the reason for awareness isn’t so much their economy relative to the rest of the world, but disease and conflict that continues to kill many, giving them no real chance at life, and they should have that, regardless of how they (chose to) live it. Doesn’t everybody?

the house that jack built

2007-03-01T16:03:00.000-06:00

During a conversation with some folks last night, I noticed metaphor occurring in the most extraordinary ways and producing the most controversial results. By the terms of our human means of explanation, foundations are laid for life that, perhaps, truly limit our perception and perspective. It made me consider that as wonderfully expressive metaphor is, as much it allows our minds to open and creativity to explore, it cannot "bottle" what can't be known in our human/temporal minds. It is, like everything man-made, a temporal tool 'whose' purpose goes only so far until its limitations catch up with it. And I wonder if we aren't better off without these tools since we have such trouble recognizing their limits. We seem to take a tool and build life with just that one, or just tools, neglecting every wandering thought that tells us life isn't about those tools, or, trying to fit those thoughts into what we've built by our tools. And what really is "out there," the great expanse of eternity, can't fit into anything tool-made. I guess it's only when we accept the nature of our tools that we can use them in any way truly beneficial to us, because we wouldn't be depending on them. Or maybe we decide we don't have/want to use a tool at all. Maybe we can experience what is without any man-made crutch and maybe that experience can indeed be communicated without a crutch-but I have no idea as to how we could operate without them in this humanity-linguistics/communication is society. Such a great deal of unlearning would have to occur that it seems easier to simply shed the mind. We'd truly be operating in a different reality, or, rather, the ever-existant reality we've never made ours.

Myth and Religion...Truth and Symbolism

2007-01-19T12:00:00.000-06:00

I'm studying Joseph Campbell's thoughts on mythology and the image of the hero in one of my classes...We're instructed to watch a video I found on YouTube...I'm barely halfway right now and already squealing in excitement at the truth I'm hearing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fw9kAtj_M4M&mode=related&search=

watch

Oh, and I may have jumped up and down a few times too....shhh. ;)

Bond, Jamie Bond. ;)

2006-12-30T13:20:00.000-06:00

I find so interesting the rush of strength, drive, ambition, will, even fearlessness I feel after an intense cinematic experience. Whether it chooses mentality or physique, I become more than myself. Invincible. Capable. Certain. And that’s just a James Bond flick. Invigorating as it is, I understand the unreality of it. A plot (false intrigue, romance, situation), SFX, and stimulating soundtracks compel me to race home, hitting curves like my Acura is a Lotus, to accomplish great things. Things like laundry, pushups, and bills. The undesirable made desirable by a character’s victory over what is, for them, objectionable to a perilous degree. Is this the hero I become in my imagination, my virtual perfection? Am I the strikingly beautiful, quick-witted damsel who saves the day clad in some wispy frock, barely veiling her well-maintained curves, kicking ass and arresting the heart of her dashing fellow? You bet.

The first question I pose is how to bottle this motivation. It’s so effective. I’m toeing the verge of articulating a Jerry Mcguire-esque mission statement. So in addition to this, because why not write it out if the inspiration presents itself, right? I want to explore the impression such a movie leaves with me-heroism, conquistador spirit, patient deliberation, reality of emotion vs the unreality of pretenses, and motivation.

Reality of emotion vs unreality of pretenses:

A story’s mark is not unlike a ghost’s fingerprint, completely untraceable materially, but all too emotionally present. It’s an experience not easily forgotten if the impact is deep. Stimulation of any sort can dip lengthily into the soul’s well, drawing memories and hopes, dreams and desires. Even the subconscious is unprotected from this stimulation when the conscious mind is left open to its twists and turns, ups and downs. Our physical selves, whatever we’ve grown ourselves to be, are taken on a no-holds-bar ride through unfamiliar, or disappointingly familiar, landscapes and churn up something in our stomachs our will might not intend.

When it is silent in the house and we are awake to the noise of thoughts, the walls creak and the pipes ping with no apparent reason. This we don’t care for much; we think there’s always got to be some ulterior action to this reaction, when mostly it’s only matter behaving how matter behaves. Even the molecules of a solid move.

I say this to suggest this idea: If the unrealities (movies and house noises) we don’t understand and do not expect affect us as reality, then what differentiates falsehoods from truth? We can believe a lie for a great length and act nothing to the contrary, accepting it as truth. Is it then truth? An action that corresponds to its initiating principle is directing motivated by and based up that principle, so yes, it is truth to us. Whatever we do, how we act, is based upon what we, in that moment, agree is truth. If we believe at a moment that a certain idea is false, we act on the truth of deceit.

This is what makes relying on the reality of the Spirit difficult. With years and histories of acting on self-defined truths, it’s hardly unfathomable to see our lapses from others-focused, Love-motivated, eternally-perspective action to that of our selfish logic and rationales. It’s an unfortunate consequence of our long slumber in unreality that we must unlearn. We are lazy, however; too lazy to find that true rest comes from waking to reality and living with eyes open to the kingdom. Sometimes we doze off again, caught up in a disillusion that sleeping is better than waking; ignorance is bliss. Once we’ve awakened to truth, evading the dreamland is a constant pursuit-we do this by embracing the kingdom way of living, following the Spirit’s guidance and encouraging each other to release the mindset that lures and captures us in enchanted slumber, where self is number one, where others only oppose number one and can be used to promote it, and where battles for this podium actually exist. Can you see the cycle? It’s a carousel you can only identify when you’re off your high horse and away from the ride.

What is truth to you then? What is reality to you then when you aren’t trapped by the moment, but freed by perspective?

A movie provides me false motivation. Not that I don’t enjoy it, because I do. It conjures fairly powerful emotions and ideas, and that’s well and good for the moment. And this is why we look at reality negatively. When our fabricated feelings are gone, we realize they’re temporary and provide us no lasting effect or consistent strength. Empowerment slips through our fingers and our bodies feel weak again, souls wanting of another vision or mission, anything that will carry us through the next decision or inspire us to the next action. And we wonder why we’re hooked on anything. We know full well why.

But truth is this: I have consistent motivation, because I’m not living by the whims of my self but the whim of the Spirit, awakened to real life, which is eternal and unbound by anything that contradicts Love. When I realize—not understand, but make real by succumbing mentally and physically to truth-that nothing in reality is accomplished by self, meaning nothing that is accomplished in reality is evil or bad or any similar contradiction to goodness, I cannot be unmotivated. Everything I’m doing is by the Spirit and cannot be anything but universally beneficial. There’s no option, no decision to deliberate, no despondence or fear or uncertainty to mull, no possible consequence to affect the details of my action. Self must decrease for Christ to increase. Selfishness must recede for Love to exceed. And in truth, the truth that we fall away from in our habitual slumber, Christ is full and Love is full. Self has no place. For us to see life this way, we must abandon our solitary bedchambers. The dreamland must be quit for reality to be lived consciously today. Deliberately walking in my true identity (Christ-Love-Ecclesia) is the way, the truth, and the life. I could not discover the far reaches of reality without first awakening to the life of Christ inside me and with it I’m accomplished-fully satisfied so as to require nothing else of selfish pursuits. Otherwise, I’m tossing in unreality, disillusioned, asleep to truth- just Chelsie Harris in need of another Bond flick to spur her onward.

more to follow.

to look at life this way....

2006-12-29T12:07:00.000-06:00

School (work, etc) is a means to discipline the physical to succomb to the whim of the Spirit- i must decrease for I (Christ) to increase...it's an inverse function.

The "daily grind" is a wormhole for confidence in the Spirit's guidance.

There is no day in/day out, no monotony or repetition, but an eternity we currently mark by sunrise, sunset, day, and night.

To dwell on these temporal matters is a figment of our infatuation with self.

how does love motivate you?

2006-12-23T16:16:00.000-06:00

How does receiving God’s love and the resulting flow of it through you to others (in the form of life, freedom and all the other fruit of the Spirit) motivate you in this life??

What motivates me to do anything is the reality of it, not the human, selfish and physical implications (feelings, goals, etc). When we see activities that allow us to live who we are as undesirable, we are simply living by the rules of the system/the habits of flesh, instead of living our identity as reality now.

butter up!...ha ha...here's to corny subject lines.

2006-12-23T16:13:00.000-06:00

I propose a new mentality, the knowledge of which must become practical. Only in the churning can butter be made, and I need butter to physically live, but I’m not living physically for the sake of the butter. I’m living physically so that others can know they don’t really need butter.

jic you're like wtf?, this is a metaphor :)

The opposite of Reality is Optional

2006-11-13T09:51:00.000-06:00

Just think about it.

More thought to come.

encouragement i think

2006-10-18T20:16:00.000-05:00

my teen-hood friend allison and i used to sing this song all the time...i heard it today for the first time in a while...i found it warming and encouraging because of the truth it illustrates:

There is freedom within, there is freedom without
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
Theres a battle ahead, many battles are lost
But youll never see the end of the road
While youre travelling with me

Hey now, hey now
Dont dream its over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they wont win

Now Im towing my car, theres a hole in the roof
My possessions are causing me suspicion but theres no proof
In the paper today tales of war and of waste
But you turn right over to the t.v. page

Hey now, hey now
Dont dream its over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they wont win

Now Im walking again to the beat of a drum
And Im counting the steps to the door of your heart
Only shadows ahead barely clearing the roof
Get to know the feeling of liberation and relief

Hey now, hey now
Dont dream its over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
Dont ever let them win

The Container

2006-10-04T20:16:00.000-05:00

Our physical bodies. Systems. Institutions...like religion or government...
All contain a particular purpose. Means to an end, so to speak. To cultivate. To comfort. To convert. To control. To condemn.
In Spencer Burke's latest collection of heresies, he addresses the religious container as something that held certain aspects of spirituality, fulfilling certain needs and creating an image for other-worldliness. This image is marketable...this leads us to all the similarites between religion and any other man-made system.
So the container for other-worldliness has become very worldly (what Burke calls brand-spirituality). I'm still not swallowing that it was ever really about spirituality, but you can take or leave that.

As the spiritual needs of humanity change (corresponding appropriately to our global/individual environment), Burke explains, the container must shift and today it seems there is a lessening need for any container. To some, this phenomenon exudes universalism-no boundaries, no absolutes-and it scares the shit out of folks who prefer a container for the above reasons. But to the serious journeyer (who ain't in it for the 'brand' status), containerless spirituality isn't about shredding and segmenting Truth, it's about personalization.

I think it's interesting how people refer to their ailments. Folks with asthma often refer to their diagnosis as "my" asthma as if to unconsciously differentiate their experiences from others'. Or maybe it's just how people say it. Either way, people want to own their spirituality just as they seem to own their asthma.

The relational nature of spirituality fulfills this desire. Truth is a relational being and you can live day in and day out interacting with it. What's so scary about that?
Oh, yes-Lest we forget our primary fear: Uncertainty. Because a world without walls is a dangerous one where people actually must process (think, feel, understand) for themselves who Truth is and such a journey takes time and, often, many paths.

But in Truth, which conveniently is also Love, there exists no fear-or walls. There's no such thing. Whah-fear? Huh? There is freedom to journey, to walk, to explore, and to consider as the Spirit leads. When exploration becomes a mere trend to follow, Truth/Love just becomes part of more options on the Menu of Means; it's here the negative connotation of containerless spirituality stakes its prosecution. Trend-jumping for status and identity (incense and meditation one day and red bracelets the next) obviously isn't an authentic personalization of spirituality, it's feasting buffet-style on spiritual methods. But sampling is no doubt a taste on palettes of many (like go-go boots and leggings) so there's really no use in anyone getting their undies in a wad over it. After all, we can only journey for ourselves.

What was I talking about? Containers...so yeah, religion is a spiritual packaging that society is tired of...a mold that people are outgrowing...and may I say that I won't hate the days when it's ineffectiveness at providing spiritual living is acknowledged by more than heretics.

Me Me Me and then the phone rang...

2006-09-19T23:36:00.000-05:00

Teenagers are supposed to go through it. “Oh you’re ruining my life; oh, everyone’s after my freedom”…blah blah blah…well, I was in a great mood to write about this up until a few minutes ago when the phone rang informing me that I made it to the live writer auditions Thursday night. I’m stoked. And trying not to stir up too big a fire that it requires dousing.
I will offer a synopsis of what I intended to rant about.
I feel like a teenager with ‘nobody understands’ issues, like a female with attention issues, and a twentysomething with insecurity/misplaced dependency/uncertainty/expectation/PRIDE issues. And it’s frustrating because I’ve gone through the bare minimum as far as these “phases” are concerned (except pride…dammit). My life has been such that I’m fully accepting of the reality I own as child of God…I never disliked my parents (well, after they awakened to Grace and stopped legalistic parenting) and didn’t deal too much with friend or boy crap. Drama’s never been my cup of tea. I’m a coach not a playa. The doctor, not the patient. (Anyone for another metaphor?) Dad made mention tonight that the whole “teenager” thing was invented. Who said 16 yr olds (who had full families by driving age back in the day) had to be angst-ridden and rebellious and selfish? Somebody set that mold. Probably a pop culture icon. I really must research this. It’s very interesting.
Who said anyone needed education? Why do you ever have to be dumb or ignorant? In reality, we were born smart-with the smartest smarts and highest creativity.
Somewhere down the line, seemingly when ‘education’ meant power and upward mobility (in religious circles especially), people decided that literate fools were running nations and somewhere in the self grew a demand to institute internal nations where academic logic and reason could (rationally) rule over all else…even the deepest truths of the heart. The Greeks seemingly exploited heart-knowledge, turning it into a Rubik’s cube of philosophy…which is, supposedly, all about logic.
And then the Romans got a hold of it. And art. (renaissance and enlightenment…) And it became so popular for man to manufacture his own everything…and several of ‘his own’ became cultural trend: the dictation of society’s ebb and flow. And the contrived physical church that embittered the pungency of We, the Educated & Ordained vs. we, who are under your thumbs. Feudalism. I’ve always found that an interesting societal evolution. Why the hell did those peasant allow their lives to be harnessed by some bored, land-owning schmuck who claimed them? Um…death? Oh, wait, but that happened anyways…and then some cat didn’t do her job on that rat-invested ship…But I digress….

So I’m rather peeved that I’m dealing with this self-centered-cater-to-my-needs-nobody really-cares-about-my-troubles (which are SOOOO significant)-self-pity that is setting my thought life in such sludge. Nast. Then I try to stand up for myself: but I’m really not like this usually- I’m a confident chick who listens well and needs no affirmation or future certainties to make me whole. Feelings don’t run my behavior. I’m perfectly loved and accepted by my Father. What of the rest of it? You actually need someone to hug you and tell you you’re worth more than you think? Bah.
But I can’t buy that for long…and I hear admittance is the first step, so here it is, all who’ve dared read this far: I feel like shoe-scum and I’m sucking my thumb about it.
There. I said it.
Now, to bathe myself in Truth so I can live out my reality. Me-land sucks. And the only way out of me land is Over the Reclusive River and through the Wistful Woods. How, you ask? Others Highway. (alliteration didn’t work there…bum) When I think about you, I don’t think about me. And thinking about me is circling the drain.

beauty: struggle or simplicity?

2006-09-13T20:31:00.000-05:00

A new buddy of mine (and he should be truly honored to grace my dribblings ;)
shared with me a statement he crafted: “Beauty is in the struggle”

it’s artsy, but two-fold in meaning.

Any struggle implies humanity. Beauty is in creation. Creation comes from the Father. No other.
But I find Beauty in simplicity.
Did you struggle writing the poem that just flowed out of you? No. But when you were done and you read it, and when you came back later and soaked in what you hardly knew you felt or meant at the time, did you rejoice in the beauty of the struggle it was to write? No, because it wasn’t a struggle. It was easy. It was natural, like something inside you never knew you were capable of sprung outward onto the page. It was simple and you felt the natural ebb and flow of molding words around your meanings/feelings just as you feel enlightened surprise as the meanings multiply read after read.
The beauty of that scenario was not the pouring over word choice and phrasing and stanza order. The beauty is in the gift of innate creativity. The beauty is in the simplicity.

V for Vittles

2006-08-07T10:33:00.000-05:00

We went to Texana Grill with the Myricks last night for Danny’s birthday and watched V for Vendetta back at the house afterwards. This is a fantastic movie, in fact, I’ll probably watch it again tonight. I really, really liked it. Spiritual references off the charts, as seems the norm for Wachowski Brothers screenplays. Anyways I started thinking about the major themes of right and wrong/good and evil in our world/culture/society.

Right and wrong: it’s an intra-opposing concept we’re reared with that has near-unshakeable hold in society. With it rides the seemingly obvious juxtaposition of good and evil. If I am right, then you are wrong; if I am good, then you are evil…and vice versa. However, in our relative world wrong and right, good and evil are subject to individual perception and authoritative standard, but dependent upon what I allow you to consider right or wrong, good or evil for yourself and largely, such a matter would have insignificant stake in my beliefs, giving me little reason Yes, it’s true his actions were wrong, but he doesn’t know any better; he’s been submerged in a society that believes such behavior is acceptable and profitable (right and good) and has only been deceived. Acting in ignorance of his deception, he committed wrong acts. Let’s take him in and train him in the (considered) right ways and change his foundation (convert) for right/wrong and good/evil will parallel when he sees old, mistaken beliefs which, though perhaps maintained right motive (loyalty to those beliefs), were not for the true greater good. Then he’ll be free of that deception and testify his conversion experience so more of his kind will see the light/truth/way…”

How interesting the parallel this has to society’s operations…and the similarities of kingdom awakening distracted by deceptions like religion…..

I haven’t articulated this very clearly…as in songwriting, I need to slow down and use more structure instead of this stream of consciousness, surely-you-follow-my-meandering-thoughts assumption. And like my songwriting, time often refines the idea and smoothes the complexities….

P.S. Consider the likes of star wars and lord of the rings...good and evil power struggle. is it really such a battle? or is good being deceived as much as "evil" in its concession to the actual existence of evil? If there is no opposition, just deception, then there is no war to wage and no more wasted effort to defeat what isn't real....ok i'm done for today.

The Rub

2006-08-03T16:05:00.000-05:00

"Much of 'church world' is bogus. We are called to right doctrine though and therein lies the 'tension' my end of the spectrum has to walk. How do we disagree yet passionately love one another. To hold one another accountable is commanded. To love one another with everything we have is commanded. How does one do it? How does one remain faithful to all the commands of Jesus? I honestly don't know. But as you say we are all on a journey. Sometimes I wish God would just reveal all of Himself to us, all knowledge and understanding. but the reality is I'm also scared to death of what He might reveal." [Quoted from a feller on theooze]

Check that out eh?...yeah, the bold section...Outside of ego-trippin, I think that's the raw rub where the introducing Mind of Christ truth loses our "deceived, misguided, hard-hearted, carnal-mind dwelling" brothers and sisters (of whose camp we/I considered myself a mighty warrior for most of my life). Like Apoc (read Matrix), some just don't want to delve in exploration of the spiritual stirring within. Let's be honest, it has its implications (even if you're not thinking in the "TO THE STAKES!" religious box)...there's a limited community of those who're open to discussion and an even smaller circle of those who actually "buy" into the Truth...considering revelations of having all knowledge and Love etc and finding discoveries like this after pouring energy into religion and a matrix-life makes the self seem so idle and useless; and there it is...that scares people, like realizing 20, 30, 40 yrs into life the man you considered your father is really a poser playing house-you're still attached to that father regardless of how erroneous he is...he's what you've always known...even if you KNOW better

But from an honest, truth-seeker's perspective, what of it? There's TRULY no fear in Love and realizing freedom in our identity in Christ and coming to grips with capability (for the first time) is well worth the so-called rejections of those in carnal bondage...but I haven't really accepted the rejection...it's all in seeing the kingdom in others, drawing it out, that creates our earthly experience...and when you see in others the vain struggle to keep snoozing in dreamworld for fear of what experiencing reality may mean for their pride or their comfort, you call it like it is...and as Rick says, "before you take their teddy bear, give em their puppy"

Scattered thoughts somehow linked...really

2006-07-27T13:38:00.000-05:00

Even religion teaches from the scripture that says when a person dies, their eyes will be open (scales will fall and what not) and they’ll see; they’ll awake to their identity and see their earth-sleep.
Will there really be judgment for their sleep? Are they not still his child? Is their spirit not still alive eternally? Is their identity not unmistakable with the absence of the “dead” flesh and soul? That such a brother or sister did not awaken to Truth during earth life is no cause for punishment or eternal damnation. In fact, such things do not exist apart from our own heads’ deception. This situation is only cause to know the One who wrapped our spirit in our unique soul. Only through such a relationship can we find the answer we’re all searching for-what is the purpose of our earth lives? Why, if the Spirit is born (with life and relationship with our Father-true identity) are we here encased in flesh, living out time?

Everything that is physical is temporal-that without a Spirit dies…the tree in front of my house doesn’t live forever even with proper sunlight, water, and nutrients. It wasn’t made to mature forever and it doesn’t have a capability to deceive itself into disease-it just wears out. When something stops growing it starts decaying (and often that decaying process is where the most wisdom abounds from experience, reflection, and maturity). As children of God, at some point our awakening will cease to be a fresh process and we will walk in full awareness of Truth. Our reality will not be dictated by the limitations of the physical body or the patterns our minds have learned.

The other day I wondered about existence in general; why was time created? Why must there be ANYTHING-no, not a vacuum- just NOTHING? But there is something and that is Life-even better, Love. So we progress from musing the existence of anything to realizing this fabulous entity called Love who gave rise to all we know now. He just is. “I am that I am.” So I accept that He is and I am His creation. That’s why it’s so sweet to have a relationship with Him, to live a purpose of knowing Him, journeying in and awakening to the life we have and building that foundation of Truth so our earth lives consciously become our Spirit lives.

This is how we can have joy in circumstances and stand above them on our foundation where we’re learning to create our realities…it’s interesting: we did not create our physical bodies or our spirits, but He crafted us. For us to sulk about never having a choice to live or have a Spirit/exist is pure ego and of our own deception! The clay doesn’t say to the artist, “mold me like this, or, no thanks I’d rather stay a lump…” As if!

That there is any alternative to living in Truth (choice) is our self-deception by the meanderings of creatively created creative minds, wills, and emotions and all the circumstances the initial deception (Eve?) built through the centuries: disease that corrodes the body, EVIL (which God doesn’t hate because A. God doesn’t hate and 2. it doesn’t exist), and right/wrong…it’s interesting that wrong was created by our Selves-that there need be any choice was of our own doing. Without our physical there is naught but Spirit/Life/Love, and thus, no need for differentiation (alternative action).

I almost said earlier that without our souls and physical bodies there’d be naught but Spirit…and this is true of the latter, but as I’m stirring this ‘round a bit, it occurs to me that if our souls are the wombs of the Spirit, they awakened/birthed the Spirit…now, knowing that we all have the same Christ living within us, how are we unique without our different souls? The beautiful actuality of unity in Christ is the same kingdom within our diverse personalities/souls. The soul is what makes one Spirit different from the next…perhaps the body dies, but the soul stays to make my Spirit “Chelsie the Christ” and my brother’s “Josh the Christ” and so on…eh??

I guess that's why they call it the journey...

2006-07-24T15:14:00.000-05:00

From the beginning of creation, we were in God’s image. It was always within us. We just had to realize it, getting past our Adam natures (not with efforts, which is only more Adam nature, but in belief) that we inherited after the deception of man by his self.

What of this: the verse “beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing” doesn’t refer to the “Devil himself” dressing as one of Bo Peep’s little lambs-it is the emergence of the self in a believer…that’s why we’re to test what we read and hear-even in the scriptures-because it’s all to easy for the self to mix truth and error & act from pride, greed, and lust even when it is coming to awareness of life. Only in abiding in Life (the vine) can truth appear.

It seems that the main cause of deception’s ease is built-up error- like plaque on perfectly white teeth. When we awake to the Life we have, there’s so much to un-learn before we can fully walk in that Life; so much muck and mire, if you will, to escape once we know we were not made for trudging. When I hear people speak of the challenge of belief, they mostly mean a tedious, disciplined, persecuted existence. But that is not the resistance of the journey. Instead, it is the alternatives to living in truth that our self-deception built through the centuries-those religious mentalities and complicated circumstances-that our foundation must lay above.

Portions of these lyrics remind me of the awakening (whew!):

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where i've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become

now that i know what i'm without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become
bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead
all this time i can't believe i couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
i've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

-evanescence

The Heritage of Life Buried Within!

2006-07-22T13:59:00.000-05:00

So…it just really hit me, even though it rings true in my Spirit regardless of this realization, that we are created in God’s image. From the beginning of humanity, man was created in God’s image-it has always been within us! This Life, Truth, Love-We’ve just had to get past our Adam natures (not with our effort, just by belief in Christ) that we inherited after the deception in the garden by the Self (Satan) to realize it! And the realization deepens….dun dun dun! 

And editing this post in later revelation-it's not by belief in Christ that we get past deception, either; signing up for claims or a belief system is just another falsehood that we stand/depend on to get us out of other deceptions...it is by grace we've been saved through dependence on Him...and that is a relationship, walking with Him...

Musings

2006-07-22T13:34:00.000-05:00

For some reason, I can’t stop mulling how belief in Christ turned itself into a mere agreement with Christ’s claims and how the way humanity has dictated and perceived (and is dictating and perceiving) belief inevitably effects the nature of spirituality. It’s incredible really. It seems to be an obstacle in every conversation I have…and I’m terribly vexed by it.
We can make jokes about congregations, Southern Baptist preachers, and stereotypical functions, but there’s not much to laugh about when it comes to the heart of the supposed body of Christ today. In all honesty, it doesn’t seem like there’re many believers who actually believe that their work is to believe, construing body life and turning what was once a simple union of Spirits into a multi-faceted rock used to hurl at “them.” By whatever means (marketing spirituality as religion, capitalism, hierarchies (ecumenical Church), intellectualization, human authorization of what the Spirit was given to teach-all rooted at the Self), our faith is now a consumer product. With it comes acceptance into a group of people, membership to an organization, and moral checklists where requirements and regulations are all marked out-one can even choose which he prefers and still maintain acceptance and propriety under whatever denomination. But is this all truly faith? Is it really a relationship with God? Is all the frosting defeating the purpose of the body of Christ? Isn’t it to simply know God-not about Him, actually know Him?
On an individual level, there’s so far to journey…especially for those who are unlearning certain erroneous mentalities to realize and walk in the Truth: the Christ-the Love-within. The process of abiding in Love is incredibly involving. Interaction is necessary for any relationship to progress, but instead of that interaction being initiated by the behavior and efforts of God’s children, it is simply resting in this true identity, surrendering our Selves (control, cognition, etc) to the Spirit’s leading that sends us to realize (make ours) the abundant life we already have: regeneration, the old is gone, the new has come.

Communicating this in Love is a constant battle with my Self. I like being “right” and having ideas seem innovative and knowing I have that tendency, I hate (and fear-and what fear is there in Love?) that my words or actions will connote only that tendency (“Chelsie’s beef with error”). It’s ego. It’s pride. It’s self. But my Spirit is absolutely bursting with Truth and craving to share it. And the truth that solves this conundrum is realizing that what I crave to share is not mine. It’s His to bequeath through me. Resting in that, depending on Him to be big enough to accomplish His purpose in myself and others (guiding us in knowing Him), is a daily awareness. I don’t have to weigh situations and responses and emotions at the prompting of the Spirit to say or live Truth. The simplicity and irresistibility of His Love and an identity as His child is not a “right” notion or “innovative” thought, but Truth at the essence of all our hearts that has yet to be fully realized. My joy is communing in Love-in Him- the paces of my own journey and those of my brothers and sisters, even humanity in its deception.

Unlearning the Unlocking...it's a bit of a stretch, but go with it...

2006-07-20T00:14:00.000-05:00

I keep my car door unlocked when it's parked at my house for obvious reasons, but often I forget that the way is open and I approach the driver's door with my key, attempting to unlock what is already done...then I get frustrated with myself because I fumbled with my keys and my armload of junk (that inevitably accompanies me everywhere) all the way to the car only to exert energy in vain-it would've been so fluid to move said junk from the house to car seat had I remembered the door was unlocked.
It seems we treat our relationship to God in a similar fashion. Life in Him, His Love and acceptance, & all truth is open to us; we already have it! But in forgetfulness or mere ignorance we use our keys of religion, behavior, and what not to unlock spiritual communion or association. How futile! All we must do is believe...

Circling Endless

2006-05-17T00:06:00.001-05:00

…In circles that only move forward;
it never seems to work that way for me
when I sit on a merry-go-round and spin thoughts.
I see a new patch of sky or a different tree when it stops,
but never move closer to the slide or the swingset.
Always on the same axis, at the same latitude and longitude;
but not this bizarre entity who insists on coming by when unwelcome
and taking leave while I’m still feeling hospitable.
It has an endless sky to soar and nothing, no mind, no playground, no merry-go-round
to contain it.
It chooses its speed and regardless of any natural or created notion
it perceives itself for me in
one, two, three, four, five, six, seven through 60 take-offs and landings,
And while I’m still spinning I know that it is flying.

Church: The Spiritual Pop-tart

2006-05-14T20:40:00.000-05:00

Characteristics of the Pop-Tart:
-quick, easy, neatly wrapped breakfast substitute
-several flavors; variety
-tastes yummy and fills the tummy for a couple hours
-2 in package in case one doesn't fill completely (and then, there's always the box...)
-flashy packaging that beckons, "you're in for a real treat!"
-fruit-flavored filling, sprinkles on top for colour
-lacking nutritional value (uh oh!)
-many come to prefer it to a full breakfast

Very Interesting....

2006-05-07T15:46:00.000-05:00

The eternal journey of Knowing Christ is most like being unplugged from the Matrix. Some, like Apoc, resist in Self and deny the freedom truth brings. These hunger after the things of Self; though they are “unplugged,” they wish their bodies reinstated to the Matrix-to error, to deception, to manipulation, to selfish ambition-and request to be “rich; someone important, like an actor.” They desire the worldly, temporal, piss-in-the-wind THINGS (outside the body, and therefore no part of what’s closely within: the Kingdom of God) and clean up after their kaka (bullshit) with their own deceptions, manufactured by (i.e.) church and pursuit of god (Self) in arenas where the dimly enlightened can reign (sounds a lot like Satan and his minions, eh?) without contest, where Self has forefront and that package deal called “Christianity.”

Incantation Fusion...

2006-04-20T11:52:00.000-05:00

The room dimmed and darkened until all she could see was the vague outline of his face against the pale yellow candlelight slowly shrinking on the walls. She could just make out a dark curl bouncing against the agitated twitch in his jaw, proving his profound frustration at her hesitancy.
He knew he did not have to check his countenance, but her face was bathed in the soft glow, her eyes illuminated and telling. He knew her so well and there was nothing to accomplish but the end of a long, brooding stare by which fate was contemplated.
They often did this-this unsettling communion of minds, savoring hour after hour alone and even more vigorously relishing each minute together, the two separate entities, as they were, converging, each bearing their own manner with such intensity that a whole was forged. And that was how they sat, more one than two, more together than apart. Thus, words were unnecessary-their silence was practical.
Practical magic: a common term, but a common occurrence? Think harder, reader, before remarking. There is infatuation, there is romance, there is passion, there is true love, there’s that swooping force deep inside when the body is caressed, when lips touch, when breath is shared, but this was not giddy, nor whimsical, nor wild, or bedazzled. Instead, it was a marked union of kindred spirit and soulmate, each heart always reaching out to the other, always belonging to the not-self, even if the mind was contained to one for a spell. A spell. This enchantment was no trickery, but a comprehensive grasp on experiences, habits, cognition, and emotion. The latter was never out of hand or allowed to run rampant as it sat unreservedly in the possession of the other. They were not puzzle pieces, side by side, but metallurgically fitted. And in that bond they waited.

She finally moved her pawn up two squares. “Bloody mother of rioting goddesses, it’s about bloody time!” he gushed, exasperated. “Does a pawn really require such deliberation?!” She smiled deviously…

Listen, Hear, Speak, Do

2006-01-26T14:26:00.000-06:00

how do you tell someone what they don't want to hear. how do you tell them what you don't want to say. how you craft the destructive into constructive. how do you acknowledge their weakness without overshadowing their strength. how do you explain that their weakness is their strength. how can you disappoint in care. how can you softly rebuttal assumptions without losing authenticity. how can you keep friendship alive and bury the natural effects of time. i don't want to dance. i don't want to lie. i don't want to carry on. this is it and that is all, no need to prance around. all else is dilly-dallying and time-wasting and proud. Straight to the point I say and then it'll be done. but oh how do you tell someone that you don't want their love.

this didn't mean to be poetic but it kinda meandered that way towards the end. anyhow.

Like the Rain

2006-01-01T00:06:00.000-06:00

Gone are the days of old when talk was cheap but words were gold
And a lover's smile could brighten up the world
Heros and broken dreams fall to the ground, shattering
Before the man who dances with the night

Is it all for nothing? So hopeless it's funny;
Work for something and it's gone like the rain in Mohave
Find the truth and follow; it leads beyond tomorrow
Honey don't fall in vain, be like the rain

Faded are flowers torn from the roots of good and the leaves of love
Not a-one can live so desperate and alone
Drowning in sorrow's seas, the old man's strength and the young man's weakness
All our blood runs cold eventually...

It is all for nothing? So hopeless it's funny;
Work for something and it's gone like the rain in Mohave
Find the truth and follow; it leads beyond tomorrow
Honey don't fall in vain, be like the rain

Happy New Year.

Tonsilless and Loving It

2005-12-19T00:17:00.000-06:00

After attending a Yoga class the other day, I was introduced to the word and sentiment "namaste" meaning "the spirit in me meets the same spirit in you." It's Hindu in origin, but i really dig it. Totally a brother/sister in Christ deal going on there. What if we saw the Spirit in each other, instead of each other. How much would that change our perceptions of actions, words, etc?? This is registering high on the Richtor Scale of Coolness. Anyways, I'm on codone and need sleep. Good night.

Chelsie quotes

2005-12-04T23:29:00.000-06:00

I caught Michael Buble on a pbs special tonight and was characteristically enthralled by the musicianship and vocal talent. The melody induces, his voice produces the verse so simple, so strong. and here I go -waxing poetic- seduced again as only great songs can.

Hearing a great song is the most perfect infatuation. It never disappoints and you grow to love it more each time.

To master an instrument is to make sweet love to the means of melodies and harmonies.

"I've been saving all the letters that I wrote to you, each one a line or two, I'm fine baby how are you? I would send but I know that it's just not enough. My words are cold and flat, and you deserve more than that. Another sunny day has come and gone away in Paris and Rome and I want to go home, I miss you, you know. Let me go home, I'm just to far from where you are, I want to go home." -MB

Moral Maxims-Colin McGinn (again)

2005-11-29T17:29:00.000-06:00

If you want someone to do something, persuade them, don't make them.

Always be kind at first, but be firm if your kindness is exploited.

Trust people unless you have reason not to, but don't be surprised if your trust is betrayed.

In matters of blame, think twice before you speak.

Be critical but not cynical.

Remember that there is a future, not just a present.

Never allow the low standards of others to lower your own standards.

Admire good people.

Be wary of envy, in yourself and others.

Don't forget that everyone has to die and everyone was once born.

Don't confuse just criticism with persecution.

Be truthful, but not in order to hurt others.

Let the facts speak for themselves.

Beware of the abuse of power.

If you are not sure you are doing the right thing, ask a trusted friend.

Remember that bad things have often been done in the name of virtue.

First be honest with yourself, and then with other people.

Never let injustice pass unchallenged.

Don't make excuses for cruelty.

Don't take from others what is rightfully theirs.

Be kind to strangers, but not because you too may be a stranger one day.

Don't allow your temper to do what your reason can't.

If you can't sing, be happy that someone can.

Don't insult where you can refute.

Don't confuse independence with rebelliousness.

Respect truth above persons.

Don't despise the unfortunate.

Keep your word.

Apologize if you let someone down.

Don't apologize if you have done nothing wrong.

Don't let outward appearance determine your moral judgments.

Be tolerant of difference.

Be humorous, but not at the cost of seriousness.

Don't think that what is right is always obvious.

Let other people finish their sentences.

Stare at yourself in the mirror once in a while....

It is important to be able to read and write. It is also important to have some mathematical proficiency. But more important than either of these is the ability to arrive at informed and thoughtful moral judgments.

What good is it to be good?

2005-11-26T20:26:00.000-06:00

Attend to the smile, the play of the eyes, the indefinable aura of an overall expression. Naturally the older a person gets, so that their face has had more time to mould itself to their soul, the easier it becomes to read their character from what begins at the neck and ends at the frown.
-Colin McGinn on the judging an individual's goodness

Perhaps I'll add to this when I finish reading his essay...

What the Bleep do we know?

2005-11-26T08:26:00.000-06:00

this movie came up in our interspacial conversation this morning, dad piping in from the kitchen table, me from the couch; quantum physics'concept that everything is interconnected and our reality is based on perceptions, and thus, can be changed as our perceptions change. Pretty interesting to note that everything is always changing-solid, liquid, gas...the state of matter determining the speed of atomic movement; nothing is the same this moment as it was the last, because the positions of its molecules have shifted.
I'm not putting stock in quantum physics because i don't have great faith in science; as a human created and human executed reasoning it is subject to great error.
ah, and so much is...

check out this film. and not when sleepy.

Pan Back

2005-10-16T08:51:00.000-05:00

Just when I dive so deeply into my life that agendas and circulur activity loom over my head, the pressure clogging my ears and my sight only lit by a narrow beam, Yahoo pops up displaying AP listings that I follow my curiosity to explore. And at the revisitation of world activities and national events (even NFL scores)the oxygen in my tank begins to really taste like air and I feel able to kick upward through the sea of me towards the faint sunlight that begs me come bask in its warmth and desist plunging so deeply. There is a view to enjoy and company to keep.

Fall Break is Here...and i'm studying...lame, i know

2005-10-13T17:22:00.000-05:00

Drinking tequila is as arbitrary as a pie-eating contest. Put all you can in to get the glory, or lose trying, and spend the next few hours hugging the porcelain throne that has suddenly become your new best friend...much better, anyways, than those screwballs who put you up to it...

Some people are like Hobbits...Doesn't matter what you do or where you've been, they're still more concerned about the weather.

People's lives may be reality tv, but you don't have to advertise.

In some minds there are paths linking thoughts together; in mine there are cobwebs.

Does the apple of your eye ever rot?

i was tempted to end this edition of dribbling with a terrible cliche, but i think i'll pass...

Rest

2005-09-21T08:45:00.000-05:00

Jesus, I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee,
And Thy beauty fills my soul,
For by Thy transforming power,
Thou hast made me whole.

O, how great Thy loving kindness,
Vaster, broader than the sea!
O, how marvelous Thy goodness,
Lavished all for me!
Yes, I rest in Thee, Beloved,
Know what wealth of grace is Thine,
Know Thy certainty of promise,
And have made it mine.

Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus,
I behold Thee as Thou art,
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless,
Satisfies my heart;
Satisfies its deepest longings,
Meets, supplies its every need,
Compasseth me round with blessings:
Thine is love indeed!

Ever lift Thy face upon me
As I work and wait for Thee;
Resting 'neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus,
Earth's dark shadows flee.
Brightness of my Father's glory,
Sunshine of my Father's face,
Keep me ever trusting, resting,
Fill me with Thy grace.

Jesus, I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.

Jean S. Pigott

No bones about it

2005-07-26T19:18:00.000-05:00

So i read an article today in Wired Magazine explaining romantics' new digit-wear: biojewelry i.e. bone wedding rings...yes, graphed from one's own bone, cells are cultivated in a mold, encircling a silver band that serves engraving. When rings are exchanged, a part of him is bequeathed to her, and vice versa, complete with anti-theft system: EW!
au revoir metallics

"Hey, mundane is the new punk"

2005-06-24T22:15:00.000-05:00

there will always be yesterday, but tomorrows will come to an end.

2005-06-15T08:42:00.000-05:00

I know you are everywhere-but sometimes I need you to tap me on the shoulder and point to where you’re working in others, and in me. I’m that thick sometimes...

2005-06-14T19:15:00.000-05:00

Pride cannot converse effectively.

Five for Fighting lyrics

2005-06-07T15:59:00.000-05:00

I’m fifteen for a moment, caught in between ten and twenty,
And I’m just dreaming, counting the ways to where you are.

I’m twenty-two for a moment, she feels better than ever,
And we’re on fire, making our way back from Mars.

Fifteen, there’s still time for you, time to buy and time to lose.
Fifteen, there’s never a wish better than this,
When you've only got a hundred years to live.

I’m thirty-three for a moment, still the man but you see I’m a \"they\",
A kid on the way babe, a family on my mind.

I’m forty-five for a moment, the sea is high,
And I’m heading into a crisis, chasing the years of my life.

Fifteen, there’s still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose yourself within a morning star.
Fifteen, I’m all right with you.
Fifteen, there’s never a wish better than this,
When you've only got a hundred years to live.

Halftime goes by, suddenly you’re wise!
Another blink of an eye, sixty-seven is gone.
The sun is getting high, we’re moving on.

I’m ninety-nine for a moment, dying for just another moment,
And I’m just dreaming, counting the ways to where you are.

Fifteen, there's still time for you.
Twenty-two, I feel her too.
Thirty-three, you're on your way.
Every day's a new day.

Fifteen, there’s still time for you, time to buy and time to choose.
Hey fifteen, there’s never a wish better than this
When you've only got a hundred years to live.

2005-06-03T17:15:00.000-05:00

I would like to take a moment to experience relief in its fullest. I passed all my classes this semester, and after weeks of avoiding belmont.edu's grade postings, I faced my slackage. Breath comes quickly and easily when one has been holding it for so long....whew.

as i stumble across old material

2005-05-24T23:11:00.000-05:00

Tears have power, listen as they fall
Ricochet off laughter, and water dry souls
Tears have power, they ebb and they flow
Seep into silence, and fill cracks of bitter cold
Tears have power, they rust the surface of the old
Empty every mourning, and hesitate not to scold...

and as a warning, because she is paranoid about thought kleptos, my mother will personally hunt you down if you steal other people's work. ;)

Thought in the Raw RE: Hell

2005-05-21T23:18:00.000-05:00

I don't feel like I need hell (the constructed place of fire/suffering, blah blah) as an impetis to do good or "please God..." I want to follow Him because of His Love for me...I don't ever want His presence in my life, my relationship with Him, to end. I enjoy it. I know I'd be missing out on something fantastic and stimulating and inspiring-it's the lack of that something, that Love that would sadden and curse me.
So my seperation from Him would be hell.

If I am consistant with Hell as seperation from Love, this thought circles...But as hell is also defined in physical terms, darkness/fire/torment, I repeat terminology, however, one is not synonymous with the other...physical vs spiritual...the physical edifice of hell doesn't concern me as much as that spiritual seperation, and without supposing one is without the other, spiritual seperation is the only hell i'm concerned with avoiding....

oldie, but, well, mom likes it at least

2005-05-18T01:40:00.001-05:00

A broken heart was all that followed me out the door
That ran down three flights just to beat the elevator
A narrow escape it was, I hardly knew her
But she felt she was intimately mine

She didn't understand, I didn't love her
She didn't qualify to be my girl
She couldn't comprehend my leavin'
But she recognized the gesture when i shut the door

Never in a million years would i'd have thought i'd miss her
But it seemed as if the day had quickly come
Haunted by every second I had wasted
I left the band and bars to find my love

She had to understand, that i loved her
And that she qualified to be my girl
She had to comprehend my sorrows
That drove away my pride for sure

She answered with a baby in her arms
Six days old with eyes just like his mama's
And it was all i could do to keep from cryin
That boy lost his daddy long ago

She didn't understand, that i loved her
I didn't qualify to be her man
I couldn't comprehend the pain i caused her
but i had to recognize the gesture when she shut the door

Yeah, it's a "worship" song ;)

2005-05-18T01:40:00.000-05:00

Whole Again

God provides, in this life, with no sense of space or time
Wait on Him, don’t give in, to the pressures of this fight
Don’t resist, its His gift, to captivate your heart and mine
And make it whole again, make it whole again

Bitterness, is but a glimpse, into a life spent without Him
It can mend, because He tends to all the broken branches of
His vine
He awaits our resting place, to ready us to bear the
Fruit of His heart in mine
And make it whole again, make it whole again

In the end, when all is over, He is there, willing to shoulder
The whole earth, in His glory, magnified, the One and Only
And for us, Holiness, something we could never get
Manifests, in us all, the Righteousness of He who called

All the nations to Himself
All the people in one breath
To escape from days infernal
Hearts like mine a life eternal

2005-05-17T23:22:00.000-05:00

Spent all last night on the bathroom floor
Had too much jack and little more
And when i woke up drowning in my sorrows still
I swore off drinkin with a little red pill

Everything looks different from outside
But this condition's just too much to hide

That tile floor was much too hard
It threw my back outta wack
Caught my nerves in the act, it went far
Never thought I'd ever have such remorse
As the morning I tried to leave that drinkin' course

Gotta crick in my redneck
And pain in my left side
Numb in the bum(haha)and humdrum daily life
Can't see or hear
Cause this pain's eatin me alive

Thank God Almighty again for the little red pill

this is gay. and incomplete. but it's amusing me momentarily.

Learn to be Still

2005-04-26T10:15:00.000-05:00

It's just another day in paradise
As you stumble to your bed
You'd give anything to silence
Those voices ringing in your head
You thought you could find happiness
Just over that green hill
You thought you would be satisfied
But you never will-
Learn to be still

We are like sheep without a shepherd
We don't know how to be alone
So we wander 'round this desert
And wind up following the wrong gods home
But the flock cries out for another
And they keep answering that bell
And one more starry-eyed messiah
Meets a violent farewell-
Learn to be still
Learn to be still

Now the flowers in your garden
They don't smell so sweet
Maybe you've forgotten
The heaven lying at your feet

There are so many contridictions
In all these messages we send
(We keep asking)
How do I get out of here
Where do I fit in?
Though the world is torn and shaken
Even if your heart is breakin'
It's waiting for you to awaken
And someday you will-
Learn to be still
Learn to be still

You just keep on runnin'
Keep on runnin'

-The Eagles

Goose: "We're going ballistic, man!"

2005-04-24T12:42:00.000-05:00

http://va3svd.blogspot.com/2005/04/defense-of-christian-intellectualism.html

continuing: http://va3svd.blogspot.com/2005/04/response-to-rick.html

check it.

2005-04-21T13:59:00.000-05:00

a river must somewhere grow shallow, but it must not somewhere grow deep.

in redneck: not all em streems git deep cuz somma dem stay shaller...'pose day git ta duh bigger streem 'fore day kin git deep'er sommin' buht streems ahways git shaller cuz uh dair banks...'pose one culd git all relitif wid it buh by gah jest take eit en hushyermouf.

2005-04-15T08:04:00.000-05:00

spring has finally awoken

2005-03-28T17:11:00.000-06:00

I really appreciate the feedback from my last blog, even the less than supportive/amiable. i don't believe the post was clear; those were not my thoughts, but a close friend's. Thought i'd clarify.
a phrase i like well revisited me earlier today. i can't recall who it belongs to...
"...pursuing Him with reckless abandon"
kinda neat.
i'm not feeling so great today. there seems to be a rock in my throat. lovely. however, the weather seems to be clearing up, which always lightens my mood.
more to come.

simplicity

2005-03-15T02:17:00.000-06:00

God is not a concept to be grasped. He is a Presence to be experienced.

from the livejournal...

2005-03-11T23:32:00.000-06:00

oh random random. we as a body have completely screwed ourselves by instituting the 'sinner's prayer.' it really just hit me how insanely awful such a device is. i wonder who first thought of it. so in the NT we've got people all over following Christ-after the reserrection. Many of them never came in contact with Paul or another immediate disciple. They got it from their sister's boyfriend's half cousin's great aunt once removed. this word of mouth- just an open spring of a life led by Christ. believers were believers, original disciple or not, who lived in pursuit of Christ. who told them they had to say a prayer to initiate new life? Christ and the disciples often told people their sins were forgiven or that they'd been baptised with the Holy Spirit, and prayer was surely involved with their acceptance of His Life, but it was prayer that sprung from their pursuit. and it was their changed life that evidenced their salvation. what we've done in our presentation of salvation is remove the need for a changed life as evidence. we've packaged a neat prayer, though it may be breathed from the thicket of the soul, so the process can be quick and painless if desired, prayer/baptism= I'm saved! I'm a Christian! No hellfire or brimstone for me! But this can leave so much doubt in one's heart-if His life is not accepted with His forgiveness (which often folks don't know exists), one is left to wonder why his/her life isn't changing or why he/she feels/acts/desires like he did before he "got saved." such is the catastrophe of commercial christianity. he thinks he's saved from the fires of hell but have no idea how God relates to him. he'll suppose he'll just go on living like he did, try to be a good person, knowing that his "fire insurance" is intact. But often, at conferences or retreats, or the invitation at a church service, he'll wonder if he shouldn't be experiencing life differently and... OH NO! maybe he's not really 'saved.' maybe his heart was not sincere enough the first time. oh what to do....UREKA! REDEDICATION! recommit his life to the Lord. Ask Him again to be his Saviour.
When christ died for the sins of all, all were forgiven, He is everyone's Saviour regardless of their acceptance or refusal. regardless of their intelligence or ignorance to Him.
And such is the ongoing alter call of Christless life. yep. whoever's marketing idea that was really put a damper on spiritual discovery. 'preciate it luci.

bonjour

2005-03-11T23:18:00.000-06:00

here it is kids. enjoy. brutality is welcome as usual.